


His Fall

by SoloKat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas after the fall, M/M, Suicide, mid-season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 13:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1690640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoloKat/pseuds/SoloKat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be a routine demon hunt.  He hadn't meant it to end up this way.  It was never supposed to end this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Fall

No no no no no, Cas thinks as he sees Dean’s body fall. No no no this is wrong. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. It was supposed to be another routine hunt, nothing big. Just your typical spirits and monsters. No demons to get in the way. A hunt for the supernatural, plain and simple.

Of course, with the Winchesters, nothing was ever simple. There were so many demons that wanted their heads, not to mention the head of an angel- former angel- in the bargain. So of course, when they’d shown up, they’d walked right into the trap.

Cas didn’t know where Sam was. At the library doing research, probably. He should call Sam. That would be the smart thing to do. Call Sam, then call the ambulance, and wait for Dean to get proper help.

Cas can’t wait for everyone he needs to call, so he ignores the smart thing. He runs towards the sons of bitches that stabbed Dean, yelling at them, trying to attract their attention to get them away from Dean. As Cas gets closer, he sees his crumpled body on the ground, and something inside of him snaps.

“Hey, assbutt!” he practically screams at the two demons. They look up from Dean and growl, moving to try and surround him. Stupid move. He pulls the angel blade- demon blade, it’s irrelevant that it used to work on angels, unless he can get to Metatron- and lunges at the one to his right, stabbing up through the base of its neck. Apparently surprised that he was willing to make such a stupid move, the demon didn’t do much except stand there stupidly while it died.

The second one is more difficult, anticipating his attacks. It moves with Cas, not against him, even tries to stab him once or twice. But even though Cas fell, he isn’t going to be taken down by some low-level demon. It isn’t longer than half a minute before the second demon is on the floor, dead, its guts spilling out onto the cold marble floor. Cas drops the blade and runs to Dean’s body, falling to his knees.

“Assbutt? Really?” Dean groans. Cas starts.

“You’re… alive,” he says, after a few seconds pause. “I thought they killed you.”

“I think they did,” Dean replies. “The ugly one got me in the shoulder. The other son of a bitch stabbed me in the gut.” Cas notices that one of Dean’s hands is pressed against his stomach. Slowly, he takes it and moves it away, but doesn’t let go of his hand.

It’s bad. It’s one of the worst injuries Dean’s had. Cas covers it with his other hand, willing the wound to close. When he takes his hand away, nothing has happened. It takes a second before he remembers that he can’t make Dean better anymore. He is helpless, he can only watch as the one he saved so many times dies in his arms.

Cas realizes that Dean has let go of his hand and is trying to sit up. He wraps his arm around Dean’s shoulders and helps, pulling him up and cradling him. One of Dean’s hands is covering his stomach. The other has found Cas’s hand again.

“Hey- hey, it’ll be ok,” Dean says, his voice straining. “Tell Sammy I’m sorry I dragged him into all this, alright?” he asks. Cas nods.

“Of course, Dean. I am- I am sorry. I couldn’t make it fast enough. This is my fault, if I had only-” Cas stops talking, shaking his head.

“Listen to me,” Dean tells him, his mouth twisted with pain. “None of this is your fault. I got myself into this mess, I have to deal with the consequences. It’s past my time, anyway.” Cas shakes his head.

“Dean, please don’t leave me.” Dean shakes his head.

“I don’t think I have much choice in the matter, Cas,” he responds. “If it makes any difference, I don’t want to leave you. I wouldn’t in a million years. But looks like you’re going to have to hang in there without me for a few years or so.”

“Dean, I- I love you.” It leaves his mouth before he can even think about it. All that matters now is that Dean knows, anyway. He has to know before he dies, or Cas won’t be able to live with himself.

“Took you long enough,” Dean manages to cough out. A small smile creeps across his face. His arm snakes up and pulls Cas’s head down to kiss him. Cas lets out a small surprised noise before relaxing into Dean. He kisses him softly, not wanting to hurt him. Dean pulls away first, his face relaxing, the light in his eyes fading. “I love you, Castiel.”

All of a sudden, Dean goes limp in his arms. The expressions are gone from his face, only the faint breath of a smile left. When it hits Cas a few seconds later, that he is gone, that he is never coming back, something breaks in his chest. A pain like nothing he’s ever known floods through him and it’s too much to bear, all the emotions that this man has made him feel, that has made him so painfully, unbearably human, and he can’t do anything but clutch the body of Dean Winchester. If he lets go of Dean, he’s going to have to face the reality of a world without him, and if he has to face that reality he might die.

When Sam finds him, he hasn’t moved. He is rocking back and forth, cradling Dean’s body, now stiffened. He doesn’t say anything when Sam asks him what happened, he doesn’t say anything when Sam starts to cry. He doesn’t say anything when they take Dean’s body away. He doesn’t say anything when they burn it.

Cas doesn’t meet Sam back at the hotel. Instead, he is on the roof of the building where Dean died. He can’t think straight, not without Dean. He doesn’t know what to do. So he sits on the edge of the roof, feet dangling over the edge, and prays.

“Dean, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I sincerely hope you can. I’m sorry for everything. Everything I’ve ever done to you that was anything less than what you deserved from me. You were everything to me. You were the reason that I kept going, sometimes. And now you’re gone, and I don’t know what to do. The world is spinning, Dean, and I think it’s going to throw me off, and I don’t think I can fly anymore. I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger for you. I know you wanted me to be. I’m sorry.”

When Sam found Cas’s body on the pavement, there was a note clutched in his hand. “Dean wanted me to tell you that he is sorry that he dragged you into this. I wanted to tell you that I am sorry for leaving you with this.”


End file.
